BAD REVIEW: Teeth (2007)

Teeth isn't just bad, it's Troll 2 bad. The perfect storm of everything that could go wrong with a horror film and paying none of the price for it. It's a cult classic. Arguably, the most infamous scary movie about genitalia since Sleepaway Camp. Growing up, people referred to it with urban legend status. "Hey, did you see that movie about the vagina with teeth?".. that kind of thing. The editing is terrible, the sound design is terrible, the acting is terrible. The screenplay is rife with such brilliant lines as "I haven't even jerked off since Easter". That's so awful it belongs on a T-Shirt. We have the stupid moments that jump out at you and leave you speechless like two lovers sharing a dog treat and the sight of a crab trying to get at a dismembered penis. Teeth is pitched as a black comedy that gives us a Lorena Bobbitt style cautionary tale. But it's eternally dopey and terribly made. Even if that's on purpose, it doesn't make it any better.